What You Know About That, Young Blood?

Hello, and welcome to another dispatch. (Is that what you call new editions of a newsletter? Is it an issue?) In any case, we are in Black History Month now, so the next few dispatches will be about music from the diaspora.

This first one is a suggestion that I got from my wife, who is white. While much of culture has become universal, there are definitely pockets where it is not. One such place is music. While Black music has spread far and wide, there is still a massive amount of it that the larger world neither knows nor recognizes. Sure, you'll run into some white music guy who knows it, but they are few and far between.

The first thing is that you'll need to learn about Black music culture are three dances: the electric slide, the cha cha slide, and the cupid shuffle. These are staples of the community, and straight up, if you can do them well, you'll have a pass for a later offense. (What is that offense? Doesn't matter. Just know that it will come, whether intentionally or unintentionally.)

Onto the actual playlist (which is attached to the bottom of this post. If you are reading this on email, click read online to see it). You'll see some white artists here, but they only have success because of Black America. Unlike certain people who'll remain unnamed, Black people recognize game, regardless of who is spitting it.

If you have decently voracious listening habits, several of them should be familiar: Parliament, George Clinton, Donna Summer, Mariah Carey, Janet Jackson, and Sade, to name a few. A bunch of the others probably aren't, which is the whole purpose of this thing. I have curated this thing to be the soundtrack to a cookout, the place where music is a must. The vibe is relaxed and groovy, perfect for a warm day outside.

I'm only going to talk about a couple of my favorites on this thing because I'm really aiming to make these things shorter. (Would it amuse you to know that I was aiming for 1000 words a week when I started this?)

I want to point to one of my favorite 80s R&B songs, “Nite and Day” by Al B. Sure. Aside from being exceedingly smooth and sturdy, I want you to remember one thing about this song: the man singing it has a unibrow. Consider how tight this man’s game is to overcome that and still have a classic of the R&B genre.

A track that speaks to my D.C. youth is “Rock Creek Park” by The Blackbyrds. If you are not familiar with the ins and outs of our nation’s capital, Rock Creek Park is a massive park that sits in the middle of NW. This song is a tribute to this lovely space. It’s also exceedingly funky. Aside from listening to copious amounts of go-go, summers weren’t right if I didn’t hear this track at least once a week. (I’ll talk about go-go at length at some other time because I also need to survey who is working on the current scene right now.)

A song burned into my memory from youth that still slaps is “Back to Life,” by Soul II Soul. Featuring singer Caron Wheeler, “Back to Life” was a song that you could listen to anywhere and it would destroy. You can play it at the cookout and people will move. You can play it in your car and it will bump. The combination of Wheeler’s singing and the disco/house beat make it a perpetual sure shot.

A classic funk track of many to note on this playlist is “Watching You” by Slave. A truly legendary track, it is smooth as silk, and you’ve also probably heard it sampled by many of your favorite rappers. In addition, you would be hard pressed to not impress many old Black men with your knowledge of this track and possibly other work from this band. For the record, an old Black man would say the title of this dispatch (?) to you if you casually referenced this track in conversation.

The white artists who have made it into rotation in Black America and onto this playlist are Remy Shand, Lisa Stansfield, Teena Marie, and Average White Band. There are others like the Doobie Brothers, Steely Dan, and Jamiroquai that are loved in the Black community, but that’s a much longer discussion that I don’t want to have right now.

As I noted earlier, this playlist is edited with the aim of it being music you would hear at a cookout, a hallowed institution and a place for a person (Black or not) to either find their way into the heart of a Black family or become a running joke for the remainder of time. To this end, I’ll provide you with some tips so that you don’t embarrass yourself.

First, don’t bring food unless you have dietary restrictions that require you to do so. Food prep duties are distributed across the family, and only those people can bring food. No one else can, not even other people in the family. It’s not a game, my friends. If you feel bad coming empty handed to the event, bring drinks. They are always appreciated. Along these lines, make sure that you actually eat something at the cookout. Black people and Jewish people are close in this way: they both take offense if you do not eat anything at one of their events. Even if you aren’t that hungry, eat a little something. Otherwise, you will be made fun of relentlessly to your face.

If you are told something multiple times, it is for a reason. For example, in my family, everyone new is told not to drink with Uncle Ken. This is because Ken can put back uncomfortably high amounts of alcohol and show no signs of being drunk. I’ve watched so many (all men) think they can hang with him, and then they inevitably embarrass themselves as Ken drinks them under the table. They are roundly heckled because they were warned multiple times not to do it.

As a bonus tip, if you have an aptitude for cards, you should learn how to play either Spades or Bid Whist well. There’s often some time to play cards, and you will win over an auntie or an uncle if you can help them set someone in a game. Talking effective trash will also gain you quick entry into the family.

Last note for anyone who is dating a Black person, you’ll walk in thinking that you need to impress the parents. It’s true: you do need to get them to like you; you are dating their child after all. In addition to the parents, you’ll also need to impress the aunts. The aunts can make or break your existence in the family, so gaining their respect is a must. If you follow the tips that I laid out above and aren’t saying dumb things, you’ll get them on your side unless they are a hater. (I can't help you then, my friend.) Also, I can’t stress the importance of learning those dances above. They are not hard, but they do require rhythm, a thing that so, so many people lack. In addition to being a nice and thoughtful person, you will get very far in a Black family if you have good rhythm.

With that as a final note, please try to keep your head up in spite of all of the extremely stupid things that are happening in our country. Whenever you get down, just remember that Kendrick Lamar won five Grammys for a D**** diss track.

About the playlist: Because it is almost six hours in length, it is not in any sequential order. Cruise through it at your leisure. I won't be offended if you skip around. If you are a Tidal user (which you should be because it is an excellent service), you can listen to the tracks in full (or at least should be able to). I'll make future playlists on YouTube or something because I don't use Spotify anymore.